Saturday, 28 November 2015

To anyone who was thinking of starting to smoke today ...

To everything else that sucks when you smoke you can add one more thing to the list: all the people that are finding out about that on their own, which happens every day in a process that really appears to have no beginning and no end.

That might seem awful but it is still less awful than making an announcement to others unsolicited, with all of the variable, and unpredictable, reactions that may elicit.

There are even those who find it to be a brilliant idea to not to make any mention of that to the girl that they about to date, preferring instead that she finds out herself, at which point they think that the issue will be cleared up and that it will just go away, and that everyone can then just move on to the next topic of conversation, when in fact, there is no chance of that happening.

Incredibly, unbelievably, girls that don't smoke don't really like the smell of the Marlboro perfume on somebody's jacket.

They don't really like the smell of the Benson & Hedges cologne any better either.

Girls that don't smoke rarely date guys that smoke, so if you do smoke, your only chance is probably to find a girlfriend that smokes as well.

The worst part, however, is if you smoke and you're bald, because then you have to find a girlfriend that smokes and who happens to be bald as well. That is not a simple task. That's why if you reach that point, it might be simpler for you to just quit smoking.

As an added bonus, if you do make that change, then immediately, your chances of dating Beyonce will go up from zero to one in three billion.